rejection.

The single most word that is hated in the human dictionary, next to failiure. Because it involves the most basic instinct of insecurity and then lives up to all our fears when we do recieve it. Today, I was text-messaged a rejection by the person I asked. How do I feel? Like any other typical teenage guy, depressed and frustrated.

I guess what I mean to say, what hurt the most was actually thinking that we liked each other. I thought the signs were there but I ended up stupid and naive to the core of my being. Does rejection = not like? Probably not, but I guess I was just stupid or should have acted faster. Still, there's nothing to fill with that small dense ball of bitterness except knowing that someone else will get that role next to her so someone will be happy.

And now, the best realization comes to me. Have I ever fallen in love with anyone? The answer is no. Have I liked anyone? Perhaps, I have still to think about it. But it's stupid. Love is something that should transcend such pettiness but yet I can't get over it. Incapability of love? I don't know, perhaps I just haven't found the right person. But then how would I know, if all I can think of are these stupid pathetic relations. I just realized I am shallow.

Who knows, and who should fucking care except for me. Anyways, it's time to do my good ol credo,

ReInvent, make urself something different cause life just doesn't work out the way it is now.

Progress Report.

Heh, it's ironic to come back here. To see what began my social networking on the internet. However, strange to say, my life has changed so much and yet has not.

I have become stronger, I have become weaker

I have loved, and I have not

I have been desired and I have not.

I have become smarter, I have become dumber.

But the world comes down to this. In my situation, my life has given me a rollercoaster of changes but I'm still here. I have evened out and don't know when it will change again.

Sadly, I know that life is unfair and I am feeling that I have pushed people away just as I have pushed away from others. Perhaps, it's just the way the world works and I am no different.

Once again, I voice out frustrations.

I think I really want to break out of a shell here. However, I have learned the cruel sting of failure. It seems when I think of something, I imagine pain and suffering. I fear failure. I fear loss. Perhaps it is unwise to say such things but they are true. I want to push my boundaries but...........fear it now.

I only hope that as I gain mroe strength for myself, I can pursue what I want to do rather than dictate my life.

GOSH I LOVE THIS DEAD SITE!

When no one is watching or read this, it makes you feel happy. Why You might ask? Because people want to be able to whine and voice out their complaints or confess secrets to the world without anyone knowing. That appears paradoxical. But I LOVE to post secrets online on dead sites because you know that anyone that cares is probably never going to read it and other people will never have any idea I'm talking about. Oh well, time to spill a bit.

I've come to realize the things in life you feel like you miss out on. I mean, no one is a robot. I really wish I could have a couple of days off, free from work, free from school, free from a lot of things. THAT WOULD make my day. But alas, I shall whine, in the same clever style of "I have no time" or "I'm really really tired." It just feels good to stress it out once in a while. We all need that chance. Well, I must get back to work, lest it all fall apart.

Ciao, dead readers.

The World is out there.

Once, in everyone's life, they had come to a point when they realize that their dreams are beginning to fade, that their lives were considered insignificant save for themselves. We are drawing close that point.

It is the time, when a general realizes that his men, no matter the odds, can repel the enemy.

I am fighting for everything. My goals, unknown. My life, without direction. Everything I know, scattered to the winds.

I officially declare that it is a losing war but I plan on making a comeback yet.

Sigh* Some things did not bloom into fruitation. Some things withered, others perished. But you can't win all of them but I can't stop thinking about how my life would be so much easier to think about if some things had worked and some things succeeded.